What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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