that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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