No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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