I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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