question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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