Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
