Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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