dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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