Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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