I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
