so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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