I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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