so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize