You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do vagina's smell?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
