You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
