I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
