I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
