She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
