If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
