In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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