I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
