i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
