So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
