is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
not ubering you a puppy
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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