I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
