I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
