Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
