i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
