I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
