Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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