i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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