I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
