I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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