what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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