Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
