I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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