i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
