New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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