Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
