Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
