So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
BRING THE BAGELS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
