she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
