So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
