Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
