with your own penis?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
