she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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