For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
