Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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