My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
