Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
