Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
lol hangovers are for mortals.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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