She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
