She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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