Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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