At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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