the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
