I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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