shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
