Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
