Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
