Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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