Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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