I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
