Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
