I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
