Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
