literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
