I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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