Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
