I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
