and you said cock pushups were impossible
im having a threesome with these popsicles
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
