I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
