Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
