One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
