I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
