It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
