hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
