I just threw up on my dentist
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
