are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
