My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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