you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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