Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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