Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
