Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
