watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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