I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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