Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
